complicatedgal

something for the love month

2012-02-04T07:47:00.001-08:00

all about rewards

2012-01-22T21:50:00.000-08:00

coron, palawan

this is my reward for last year's hard work. 3 days and 2 nights in paradise! i get to spend time with my friends, Grace and Joy. i had a wonderful time enveloping myself with nature, enjoying the stress free environment, forgetting about my problems and just being in the moment. will tell you more about the trip in detail soon.

another reward for my creative self is this planner, Think Awesome Planner. it has a lot of blank pages for me to write on and keep track of new ideas and even doodle pages. there's stickers inside and a calendar to keep track of my progress.

i'm waiting for one more reward by the end of February. hopefully someone is sensitive enough to buy me something for my birthday this 25th.

thank you Lord for friends and family!

first celebration of the year

2012-01-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to my baby love, MIO!

one year older and so much naughtier.

i pray for good health and a long life.

mama loves you.

farewell 2011, hello 2012!

2011-12-29T04:00:00.000-08:00

This was an amazing year. Despite some obstacles thrown along the way, overall I feel I am blessed.

A new love walked into my life, my cat MIO.
I was fortunate enough to travel to a UNESCO World Heritage Site in Vigan, Ilocos Sur.
Managed my finances a bit better with a new checking account, took a life insurance policy, applied for a new phone line and handled loan settlements for my parents.
Spent a lot of time with my family through outings in Batangas and Tagaytay.
Reconnected with friends, old and new.
Went on solo adventures like the Manila International Book Fair and a writer's workshop.
Invested on my writer self with new books and by participating in the Writer's Block workshop at the Yuchengco Museum.
Received great reviews for my article outline on the Culture and Arts workshop, started exploring writing food,travel and art reviews, wrote my first sci-fi novel and a publisher recently expressed interest in publishing my work.
Booked a tour and flight to Palawan for next year's trip.

Here's to more adventures and to taking chances in 2012! Happy New Year to everyone!!

writing a sci-fi novel

2011-11-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Nanowrimo has already started and I'm behind 8,335 words. I'm starting to dread my deadline. But whenever I think of my story concept, I feel excited to write it. And so armed with a sketchy outline, I present to you (tentative title): Janus After Effect

nanowrimo 2011

2011-10-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

It's my first year to join and I am apprehensive. 50,000 words is no laughing matter and yet I am also excited because I am writing again. I just have to stick to my outline and keep meeting my quota of 1,667 words everyday.

November is known by most literati as National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. How it works: Start writing a 50,000-word novel on November 1 and finish by midnight on November 30th. There is no prize at the end of the month. Only the satisfaction that you've accomplished something with the help of your peers.

Now despite having the means to directly type my story onto my netbook, I am going to write my novel through long hand. I just feel that I have a closer connection with my work and I'm more focused when I write things on paper. It's a good thing that I have a lot of unused notebooks in my room.

Wish me luck!

my passion

2011-10-23T04:36:00.000-07:00

here i am reading off my article outline for the Writer's Block Philippines " An Introduction to Writing About Arts & Culture" workshop i attended last 10/8. on the background are the founding ladies of WBP, Ana Santos, Nikka Sarthou, and Niña Terol-Zialcita. you can see that i enjoyed the event.

aside from meeting new and wonderful people, i learned much about the art scene in manila and how badly they need good writers. to be honest, i felt intimidated. writing for the art scene means entering another world. as a marketing student, i've always classified the market as AB (upper class), C (middle class) and DE (lower class). if you ask me who do i write for, i'll say it's for the middle to upper C class. my story characters are from that class, people who have a day job and have their dreams tucked away in the back closet. i know them because i am one of them. i may write fiction but i base it on real life.

however writing as a livelihood means not only grabbing every opportunity available but also using every medium presented to you. whether you actually enjoy writing about your subject or not only comes into consideration after you have been able to make a name for yourself in your chosen genre.

to me, writing for the arts means writing for the AB class. it makes sense because who are the patrons of artists but the rich? although i've taken art appreciation back in college, this here is the big league.i need to brush up on the art basics before even attempting to write about an art piece. i'm seriously looking for the book "art for dummies".

i left that workshop with a deeper understanding of what it means to be writer. what i learned there i will apply to my travel writing and my stories as well, especially since i have plans for a novel set in our country. i also gained enough confidence especially when i received some favorable review on my article outline.

suddenly being published in the next 6 months, whether online or print, doesn't seems impossible anymore.
cheers to more opportunities for learning and for writing!

little no more

2011-10-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

how time flies! and look how my baby has grown.there are days when i miss having a small fur ball in my arms. nowadays mio sleeps on his side of my bed, on the floor or on the table. i have to discipline him more often as he has acquired a taste for fish meat and he's prone to taking an unguarded meal off the dinner table. he's definitely approaching the teen years (in cat lives) because he now sprays and does his round of the house to protect his territory which has led me to make this decision.

today mio will be going under the knife. he will be neutered. now a lot of people ask me why i would do such a thing and don't i like to have a liter of mio carbon copies. my answer is i'm not crazy and i'd like to have kittens. however living under the roof of my old, cranky, and overly scent-sensitive parents makes it impossible to let mio just be the cat that he is. i have no choice but to have him neutered.

now i did some research and having your pet neutered is a responsible thing to do.According to www.daghause.com

Spay and neuter your pet! In addition to saving lives, spaying and neutering can also drastically improve your pet's health and life expectancy. The idea that pets become fat or lazy when they are spayed or neutered is a myth. Sterilized pets lead healthier, longer lives. Spaying a female eliminates the possibility of uterine and ovarian cancer and greatly reduces the risk of breast cancer. Neutering a male reduces the risk of both prostate enlargement and prostate cancer. Neutering also will make your pet more affectionate and less likely to roam, get in fights, or become lost.

Spayed and neutered pets are better, more affectionate, companions.
Neutered cats are less likely to spray and mark territory.
Spaying a female dog or cat eliminates its heat cycle, which can last twenty-one days, twice a year, in dogs, and anywhere from three to fifteen days, three or more times a year, in cats. Females in heat often cry incessantly, show nervous behavior, and attract unwanted male animals.
Spayed and neutered pets are less likely to bite. Unaltered animals often exhibit more behavior and temperament problems than those that have been spayed or neutered.

Spayed and neutered dogs and cats live longer, healthier lives.
Spaying female dogs and cats eliminates the possibility of uterine or ovarian cancer and greatly reduces the incidence of breast cancer.
Neutering male dogs and cats reduces the incidence of prostate cancer.
Neutered animals are less likely to roam and fight.

with all the benefits of having a neutered pet, i think it is my duty to mio and my community to go through with it. so all you pet owners, raise your pets responsibly.

personals

2011-10-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

Female. Early 30's, medium built, shoulder length hair, speaks Tagalog and English. Loves cats, books, music, historical mystery, food lover, likes to travel and has a carefree spirit. Seeks male mate with zest for life, love for conversation, enjoys food, a bit nerdy, open minded, great sense of humor and MUST LOVE CATS.

cute but lethal

2011-09-25T02:30:00.000-07:00

yes. Mio is disarmingly cute but his antics aren't. he just started spraying urine around the house last week, establishing his territory and i've been having a hard time cleaning up after him. all my folks do is complain about my cat's behavior and criticize me as if it's my fault that he's just following his natural instinct!

i'm seriously considering moving out and renting a house in manila. i'm doing this for my folks who say the nastiest things about my cat's natural behavior. and i'm also doing it for me because i have to bear their criticisms and it just kills me whenever they do that. why can't they just accept and love Mio? why can't they just live in tolerance knowing full well that my cat is someone who makes me happy?

as soon as i have some extra money Mio will get neutered. hopefully that reduces his spraying. if not then i'll just have to focus my efforts in getting a place of my own.

book hungry?

2011-09-22T01:03:00.000-07:00

bookworms unite!

2011-09-18T20:31:00.000-07:00

yup. i went alone and despite being lost for 30 minutes (SM MOA is huge!) i found the SMX convention hall by discreetly following a group of college students. i paid my P20 pesos admission fee and prepared myself to a world of print.

the book fair had a lot of publishers from university presses, kid's literature and religious books for sale. although the prices were definitely lower, some 1/3rd's of their original cost, majority of them still sold it at retail price. i went to the Summitmedia booth, Goodwill bookstore, OMF, Ateneo Press, UST Press and UP Press, National Bookstore booth, Instituto Cervantes (yes, i want to learn Spanish) and the NHCP booth. this is where i bought my only book in the entire convention, "Recollections of a voyage to the Philippines by J. de Man" i am fascinated with our history so i thought what better way to start than on books about us. this was a foreigner's account on his journey to the country in the late 1800's.

the hall was huge but the sea of people looking for a bargain threatened to suffocate me so i left the convention after 2 hours. clearly the fair catered mostly to librarians since there were many booths that sold academic books and library supplies like shelves and some book trolley. i was interested in buying a book trolley but i have no means to transporting it home to Cavite. maybe next time.

my book find didn't stop there though. after scouring my usual book haunts i found what i was looking for at Books for Less, the latest installment of James Rollins' Sigma Force series "The Doomsday Key" and "Kiss Kiss" by Roald Dahl. it was an unexpected find since i was already leaving the store when i made one final glance at their window display and saw it.

today all i want to do is to curl up in bed and re-read my Sigma Force books to catch up on the storyline. i'm in the middle of Map of Bones right now (the first book i bought of the series and is my favorite!), after that i'll be reading The Last Oracle and then The Doomsday Key. i still have tons of books to finish on the book table beside my bed but they'll just have to wait til i'm done with James Rollins.

shh...i'm reading.

feed me pages!

2011-09-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

the BER months are here! and in this country that means bringing out the dusty "PAROL" and plastic Christmas tree out of the box. i just love this holiday. it's all about family and friends. not to mention the gifts and parties you get invited to. i am all giddy like a kid!

now if you still have no idea as to what my heart desires, let me give you a hint. BOOKS or an EBOOK READER. i want one so bad. either that or any cellphone that has the capability of an ebook reader.

i don't know why but i am hungry for stories. i think it's because i don't have a lot of cool and amazing things happening to me in real life. and so i find my thrills in the books i read and let my imagination take over. there are days that i wish i could live in my books. i wonder how great it would be if i was an INKHEART.

come on... feed me pages!!

sale again!

2011-08-13T11:47:00.000-07:00

every bibliophile starts saving up as the last quarter of the year rolls in. in anticipation of
the 32nd Manila International Book Fair on Sept. 14-18, i have already gone on my usual booksale rounds. and you know you've found a steal when you see National Bookstore's Cut Price Booksale.

i've already bought 3 books. here's how much i've saved up:

Hellbound Hearts ed by Paul Kane and Marie O'Regan- Original Price: 599. Sale: 100.
The Rosetta Key by William Dietrich- Original Price: 299. Sale: 50
The Adventures of Indiana Jones by Ballantine books= Original Price: 665. Sale: 100.

Total: 1348 pesos. Actual cost: 350 pesos.

i only paid 26% of the total amount! i feel so giddy all over. i can imagine that this is how a shopaholic feels like during midnight sales. there are days that i wish i had more funds for my book addiction, not to mention additional shelf space. i am looking forward to living in my condo unit with my library in the near future. i give myself 5-7 years to realize that dream of mine. for now, i will scour my old haunts to get the best price for my printed addiction.
==
i had lunch with Tessa yesterday. i enjoy being with her because she bring out the best in me. not only do i admire but she inspires me to do better. she is like my former AMO, Rizzie. she also asked me the same question, "what am i afraid of?" i know i am good and that i can give more, so why don't i? Tessa said it's because i am afraid of failure while Rizzie said i am afraid of success and the responsibilities that come with it. i say it's both.

hay! i am such a mess. i need to set my priorities straight and start creating a timeline to achieve my dreams. Tessa said it's the best way to psyche yourself out of a stupor and take ownership for your actions. the best laid plans crumble because of the lack of motivation. and since motivation is a variable, i have the every right to change it and shape it however i please.

no more excuses. let's get it on!

writing again

2011-08-07T20:03:00.001-07:00

for me, the Starbucks planner 2008 is the best planner they've ever released. i really wish they would issue another one like it. anyway, to continue my passion, i filled in the leather cover with a notebook refill. in its pages i write plans, stories, thoughts and musings. i feel so much more alive writing again.

i remember the first time i sold my article. 2004 was the year I got my first article published online. P500.00 for 800 words. I know, it's cheap. But I didn't care at that time.

it's been 8 years since then. i've spent too much time hiding in my books and just writing my thoughts out in my journal. i hope to be able to write and inspire people again. and if i get paid, well that won't be too bad.

me and PAWS

2011-08-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

my love for animals finally won.
i am determined to be an advocate for PAWS

there are so many animals that need care, love and attention.
don't breed or buy. adopt a homeless animal today!

share your talent, skill and passion for the animals.
be a volunteer. you can contribute even in the simplest way.
our furry friends need all the help they can get.
volunteer for PAWS.

you can also donate online and donate in kind.
your support will be greatly appreciated.

missing you

2011-08-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

"Everytime I think of you
I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here
And you're miles away"

nothing describes how i feel about you right now than the song "missing you" by John Waite. you just live an hour and a half away from me, we don't even live in a separate island and yet we haven't seen each other in a month. yes, i get text messages from you but not too often. and they are too short to fill in the gap of the nearness of you.

"I spend my time thinkin' about you
And it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight"

i am holding on. i understand the demands of law school, family obligations, work and your FSO exam. but my heart is breaking because i don't feel your presence as much as i want to nowadays. i don't want to overlook your efforts because you have been trying. it's just that i can feel US slipping away and i am afraid of losing you.

"There's a message in the wire
And I'm sending you this signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
And it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world I have no meaning
Though I'm trying hard to understand
And it's my heart that's breaking
Down this long distance line tonight"

I ain't missing you at all
(Missing you)

wandering feet

2011-07-28T01:44:00.000-07:00

i miss traveling. the adrenaline surge of throwing caution to the wind. the joy of being in a new place, seeing new sights and the anticipation of fun adventures to come. the last time i traveled was to vigan with my friends. i want to go to another island adventure. maybe bohol, cebu, palawan or singapore (hi insan! wink,wink!).

i wonder if this is me soul searching again. i can't say that i am unhappy with my work - it pays for the food on the table and my bills in the mail. it's just that i feel that i am stuck. everyone else i know is either married, with a child, has their own business, moved to another country, advanced their education, owns a house or has an entirely more exciting life than i have. and where am i? still here with my folks, living the single life and within my means. am i the most boring person in the room right now?

i hope this is only temporary. being in this stage of my life can make a person stir crazy. i need some excitement in my life again.

so you had a bad day..,

2011-07-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

yup...i've been having these dark clouds lately as if nothing i do will ever be right. i'll never succeed, i'll never be beautiful, i'll never be loved, i'll never be rich, i'll never be able to travel, i'll never find my happy ending and i'll never laugh again.

but i refuse to sink deeper into depression. so i do my "peter pan" act. think of a happy thought. anything that can make you smile. in my case, it's thinking and singing a happy song. the song varies, depending on what i remember that day. but the song i readily have in my mental pocket is RESPECT by Aretha Franklin.

last friday at work that dark cloud was hanging over me again so i started singing. during those avail moments i was belting out HEY SOUL SISTER by Train. and guess what...i got a perfect survey for the day. it only goes to show that you have the power to change the outcome of your day no matter how bad it started out.

so to all broken and sad souls like myself, start belting out those happy songs and dance with me!!

mio at 6 months

2011-07-12T02:02:00.001-07:00

he's already potty trained and i can walk him on a leash (except that he leads). he also purrs when i get home and he sleeps in the cat bed beside me. he also allows my nephew AJ to manhandle him with tolerance. i also love it when he sits nearby wherever i am in the house.

only thing i hate is when people mistake him for a persian cat.
people!! he's a siamese cat.

blast from the past

2011-07-10T02:58:00.000-07:00

five years. this is what i looked like then. not much has changed. maybe a few frown lines, wrinkles and some fat strategically placed around my body. also a bit wiser, naughtier and creative.

yup. not much has changed.

A-Ha - Take On Me (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

2011-07-04T01:04:00.000-07:00

just feeling nostalgic lately. here's my favorite video of all time - take on me by AHA.

2011-07-01T06:28:00.000-07:00

these are two of my favorite things: my cats and my laptop.

foodie

2011-06-27T22:41:00.000-07:00

i've always been a food lover. not one of those who know gourmet food but just your average food aficionado. one of my faults as a foodie is i eat with my eyes so often times i would have a lot left over on my plate. just as well since i eat in small portions and eventually i do finish my scrumptious meal.

but what is a foodie? to answer that, we turn to anton diaz, founder of ourawesomeplanet.com

"The Foodies, on the other hand, appreciate good food. There are three types emerging:

1. The Snobbish Gourmets. These people have been exposed to the restaurants abroad and take pride in eating in establishments with Michelin Stars. These are the people who really know their food and look down on people who pretend to know all about food.

2. The Wannabe Chefs. These are the foodies who aspire to be chefs someday and look up to other well-known chefs or celebrity chefs. After they complete a culinary course, they already feel and act like chefs. They look upon themselves as part of a higher level from the ordinary people who just love food.

3. The Amateur Foodies. This is the biggest segment, and it's growing everyday. They label themselves as Foodies because they enjoy food. Period. It is very easy to belong to this group, which usually entails just eating out and trying out good food. They don’t care about the chefs or the snobbish gourmets."

i belong in the third group. and over the years, i have bought a lot of food magazines in the hopes of cooking my favorite recipes for people i enjoy being with. hosting a foodie night has always been a dream of mine. i'm still ironing out the details for that but i surely hope you'll join me for one amazing gastronomic adventure!! let me know if you want to be considered since it will be by invitation only.

fire up the stove coz i'm ready to cook! :)

more books

2011-06-15T21:13:00.001-07:00

what you see here are my hardbound book collection. over a span of 4 years, i was able to build my library with books of interest although most of them are anthologies and collected works on science fiction, murder, horror, mysteries and fantasies. this is my passion and i only wish i had more time to read them all.

A treasury of Modern Mysteries - Doubleday
100 Malicious Little Mysteries selected by Isaac Asimov
The Complete Murder Sampler ed. James Nelson
The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Best of Weird Tales ed. John Betancourt
The Telltale Corpus Delicti ed. Sanders
Arabian Night's Entertainments
The Fantasies of Robert A. Heinlein
The Fifth Galaxy Reader ed. H. L. Gold
Science Fiction of the 50's ed. Greenberg and Olander
Nightfall and other stories by Isaac Asimov
The Monster Book of Monsters ed. Michael O Shaughnessy
Necronomicon: The est Weird Tales of H. P. Lovecroft
The World Treasury of Science Fiction ed. David G. Hartwell
The Complete Science Fiction Treasury of H. G. Wells
The Science Fiction Century Vol. 1 ed. David G. Hartwell
The Science Fiction Century Vol. 2 ed. David G. Hartwell
The Minority Report and other Classic Stories by Philip K. Dick
Paycheck and other Classic Stories by Philip K. Dick
Second Variety and other Classic Stories by Philip K. Dick
Science Fact/ Science Fiction

==
will be updating my booksale album. i still have a few books to sell. feel free to browse though my collection.

read between the lines

2011-06-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

i'm in between these pages:

The Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica ed. by Maxim Jakubowski
Gallery of Horror ed. by Charles Grant
The Difference Engine by William Gibson
Night Shift by Stephen King
Science Fiction: Reader's Guide by L. David Allen
Venice by Timeout guidebooks
The Sandman Papers ed. by Joe Sanders
Exploring the Matrix: Visions of the Cyber Present ed. by Karen Haber

how i plan to finish them all is beyond me. however i am enjoying the time spent in these wonderful adventures. getting lost in these worlds give me respite from the worries of real life. not to mention writing my short stories and completing my photo project.

hay! i am such a nerd!

inlove with images

2011-05-30T17:21:00.000-07:00

one look at this picture and i thought, "hmm, i think i want to learn more about lomography."

dinner's on me!

2011-05-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

hi! chef kathy here. i said i won't cook this weekend but my tummy got the best of me. here are the 2 dishes i made. it's easy and a sure hit for any guest. hope you like it!

=Cajun-Spiced Fish Fillets with Buttered Mixed Vegetables=

Ingredients:
4 cream dory fish fillets, thawed
1 (500ml) bag of frozen mixed vegetables
Half a medium onion chopped
4 cloves of garlic.minced
1/2 stick of butter
Cajun Seasoning

Cajun seasoning:
3 tbsp paprika
2 tbsp salt
2 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbps black pepper
1 tbps onion powder
1 tbps cayenne powder
1 tbps oregano
1 tbps thyme
Mix together in an airtight jar. (Will keep for 1 month.)

1. Pat fish fillets dry with paper towels.
2. Sprinkle the cajun seasoning on both sides of the fish. Apply as much as you want for taste.
3. Fry in a large non stick pan over medium-high heat.
4, In a medium saucepan, 1/2 stick of butter over medium heat and saute garlic and onion until brown.
5. Add mixed vegetables until tender, about 3-4 minutes.
6. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Serve hot or warm as sidedish to the fish fillets.

AND FOR DESSERT:

=Chocolate Pudding=

FOR THE PUDDING:
2 large egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
3 tbsp cornstarch
3 cups whole milk
5 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, chopped
Pinch of salt
1 tbsp vanilla extract

FOR THE CINNAMON CREAM:
1 cup heavy cream
1 tbsp sugar
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. Make the pudding: Whisk the egg yolks, sugar and cornstarch in a large bowl.
2. Combine the milk, chocolate and salt in a saucepan over medium heat and stir until the chocolate melts. Gradually pour the hot chocolate mixture into the egg mixture, whisking constantly. Pour back into the saucepan and stir until thick,12-15 mins. Remove from the heat and stir in vanilla, then divide among 6-8 dessert cups or dishes. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until set, about 2 hours.
3. Meanwhile, make the cinnamon cream: Whip the cream with sugar in a bowl until it hold soft peaks;fold in the cinnamon. Serve on top of the pudding.

love of my life

2011-05-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

i miss dexter. don't get me wrong. i love mio as any cat owner loves their pet but there's just something about dexter that i miss dearly. i miss our morning ritual-me on the chair by the dinner table and dexter sitting on my lap. Me stroking his soft fur while waiting for the coffee to wake up my senses, listening to the delightful purr of a contented kitty. i miss dexter's look. he makes this peaceful face when he's sleepy like he's enticing you to leave the cares of the world and just lie in bed. i miss his presence. he's always at my heel whenever i am in the house-outside the bathroom door when i am taking a shower, on the bed when i am sleeping, on the dining floor when i am eating at the table. he's always in my field of vision and that gives me a sense of security. i miss his voice -that cat call he uses whenever he's hungry or when he wants to go out of the house. i miss his warmth, the feel of his curled up body lying next to me. i especially miss his eyes,those two lovely emeralds staring straight into my damaged soul with no judgment-just pure love.

i miss you dexter. i pray you are having a wonderful time there in kitty heaven.

newest obsession

2011-05-22T04:59:00.001-07:00

Following in the tradition on my old blog, here is my latest find (info from IMDb):

SHERLOCK
In this modernized version of the Conan Doyle characters, using his detective plots, Sherlock Holmes lives in early 21st century London and acts more cocky towards Scotland Yard's detective inspector Lestrade because he's actually less confident. Doctor Watson is now a fairly young veteran of the Afghan 'peace-keeping' fights, less adoring and more active.
==

Watch it at AXN Beyond.

on what makes me happy

2011-05-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

Here I am concentrating on what makes me happy- my books and writing. I haven’t written any publishable lately but there’s no hurry. I am comfortable in my own skin when it comes to what I love. I am willing to spend as much time, effort and money for the sheer pleasure of reading, discovering new things , learning from it and applying it to my work. When I am writing, I am in the moment. No worries about the needs of the future. I am at one with everything around me- the clicking sounds of the keys on the keyboard, how bright the backlight is from my monitor, how the air from the fan cool off the sweat on my forehead, the heat from the laptop’s battery on my thighs. All of these happening while I spin storyline, people, situations, landscapes and life lessons on paper.
==

Punch, Sane and Free
By katz

I hear the rumbling of hot molten anger inside of me. My body is shaking with fury. My mind no longer controls my limbs. I cannot breathe. I want to scream but I can’t. Instead I bite my lip until the bitter taste of blood mixes with my saliva. Resentment, indignation and hate feed the fire of defiance inside the pit of my being. And before I can shake off the rage pounding inside my head, I launched that tight, closed right fist into the open air.

My eyes are closed as I hit the hard, gravel-ridden wall over and over again. The crashing waves of ire wash over me. While there is blood all over my fist as gravel pitted itself on my flesh, there is no pain. For pain was inside me. It was screaming for freedom and escape. Hitting that wall was the only option I had. Man made me do it.

Some people cry when they can’t take the pressure of life. Others totally give up and commit suicide. I, on the other hand, smile. I smile my angry smile as the world slaps my face with horrid images of death, greed, hunger, filth, poverty and deceit. I smile when their mouths spew forth trash, bile, blasphemy, insults and taunts. I smile because society dictates that we are civilized. That we can be rational when settling arguments. We are the highest form of species in this planet and therefore, there should be no need for violence and hate. But why do these things still exist?

Society tells us to handle arguments in a positive and calm manner. Talk things out, weighing the negative against the positive. We are taught to be silent. To keep our rage bottled up. So amidst all the ugliness and muck of the world, we have to face it with a smile. With a smile formed from the boiling pits of resentment and hate.

He was clearly wrong but you were the one demoted. The promotion you’ve been waiting for 15 years finally arrives only to find out it was given to your subordinate. Your so-called “special one” shacks up with someone other than you. You studied so hard and yet you failed your finals. You are in college and everybody else has a cellphone except you. The government is giving you the run around and blatantly spends the money you worked your backs for on luxury that you can’t even afford. Life is unfair. And society tells us to deal with it. They never tell us how.

I can’t shout at the driver for being too slow that I missed my flight. Why? Because it’s wrong and I’m civilized. I can’t kick the cop for not responding to the snatcher who stole my wallet because he wasn’t there and he couldn’t catch up with him and I’m civilized. I can’t slap my sister because she took my palm pilot without permission and broke it, because I’m civilized. So where does all my anger go? Into the bowels of my soul, waiting, just biding time when all my frustration, indignation, rage, madness, fears and insecurities eats through its steel cage.

Teenagers know what I feel. They have the rage inside them as I do. They commune and revel in anger’s fiery lot seeking comfort from each other during rock concerts where the anthem blares loudly on the speakers with wicked guitar rifts and wild beating drums. Afterwards, they go home peaceful again having unleashed the burning pain and fury inside.

Adults, however, are a different matter. We are thought to be more responsible of our actions. And the slightest sign of rage labels us lunatics and madmen. Where do we find our release? Some find it in sports, others in vices such as food, alcohol, cigarettes, sex, drugs and gambling. And because the anger inside can’t be fooled by pleasantries of hypocrisy eventually it leads us to our destruction. Unless we find a way to suck it out of our system like poison out of an open wound.

There is no lesson in here. Just seething anger and rage. I’m not crazy punching the hard wall and making my hand bleed. In fact, I’m saner than anyone else I know. I’m not afraid to release the growing devil inside me. I would rather abort than let him control me. People will never understand why all of a sudden I turn from a nice normal girl into a wall-punching bitch. They think I lost control of my senses. On the contrary, I have never felt freedom like this before. With each blow, my mind gets clearer and my heart feels lighter. The pain will subside and the rage sate for now.

And then, there is peace again.

sci fi nerd

2011-05-06T21:53:00.000-07:00

a long time ago, someone asked me why i love science fiction and fantasy. to which i replied, "i love it for its possibilities." science fiction is the dreamer in us. as a curious, thinking and questioning specie, this genre allows us to stretch known science facts then extrapolate and create futuristic worlds. science fiction also reveals some surprising truths about humans and how they would react to certain scenarios as a society. and in this digital age, it's not just about the stunning imagery, complex machinery and twisted plots of sci fi movies and novels. it's about how far we can go if there were no "rules" holding us back.

as a book worm, i suggest these two books as reading material for your introduction to the wondrous world of sci-fi and fantasy:

2011-05-02T22:21:00.000-07:00

yes. i am selling my dear books. please give them a home.
visit my multiply page or my facebook page.

sit back, relax and enjoy your favorite cup of jojo with a book today!

busy mode

2011-04-29T03:39:00.000-07:00

i spent the holy week cooling off in the clear blue waters of matabungkay beach in lian, batangas with my family. it was a well deserved break from the stress of work and relationships. i did a lot of thinking too, mostly on what i'll be doing the next few months.

start reading on my marketing books. just brushing up for my studies next year.
create a new website for my books. i have additional 43 books on sale soon. and since i haven't finished some of those books yet, i'm dropping everything else that i'm reading til i read through all of them.
still working on my first anthology of short stories. i need a willing reader for my draft. any volunteers?
reading my writer magazines right now. i need to brush up on my writing skills. i will be relentless in the pursuit of my goal of being published by year's end.
planning more travel to historic places in the country. my next adventure includes a culinary tour of pampanga, a trip to the ayala museum and national museum.

with so many things in line, that will keep me from obsessing with my relationship. books and my writing are easier to control than guessing what my boyfriend is thinking about especially since he bought 2 great dane puppies, Portia and Princess. he'll be busier than ever with summer almost over and law school waiting again. i will not put my life on hold for him.

anyway, that's it for now. have to get ready for work. there's no rest for someone neurotic like myself. :)

double standard

2011-04-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

when i am out with mio, it's annoying when people come up to me and ask "is that a dog or a cat?" although i can understand the confusion because of mio's size but please...he's a feline in every respect. can't they see?

another annoying thing that happens is how they ask details about him and then downplay his worth. for example:

what's his breed? -Siamese cat
what do you feed him? - Cat food. Yes, it's the one you buy at the store.
where did you get him? - in Manila.
how much? - P3,500
so what's his talent?- huh?!
i know where you can get a cat for free... and so this person's conversation goes. i swear i was so close to kicking his gonads through out of his eyes. what a prick!

if this were a dog, they would go, "aww, he's so cute!" i am amazed that there is discrimination even in the pet world.

also in the grocery store whenever i buy mio's food, the cashier would look at me and say, "wow, that's so expensive." i wanted to say, "so what? i can buy the best for my cat. ano bang pakialam mo!? again, if this was a dog they would just nod in acceptance.

i can't wait for mio to get bigger and trained to walk on a lease so i can parade him at MOA. he'll be the only cat there and i will make them eat their shorts in envy!

mama mio!

2011-04-02T16:01:00.000-07:00

3 months and he's grown to this! i am amazed and excited to see how much bigger he's going to get. he's sweet and playful. too playful in fact that my arms and legs are littered with scratches. it's like i have a personal poltergeist.

i want to train him to be comfortable on a leash so that i can take him to the park. i have so many things planned for him-trips to tagaytay picnic grove, rizal park and FB highstreet park. i want to take him to the beach and see if he will run on sand. i want to bring him along to MOA where we can watch the sunset together. i know, i know. i am beginning to sound like a certified cat lady.

zig said mio's the best gift he's given me. i think so too. :)

vigan tour-day two

2011-03-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

we woke up to a rainy Friday morning, a gloomy and wet start for a day of adventure. but the cold weather didn't dampen our excitement as evidenced by our gleeful conversations in the hotel lobby. thank goodness no one was there to tell us off.

while waiting for our tour guide to pick us up, we had breakfast at the hotel resto having our share of, what else, but a VIGAN breakfast! it's basically vigan longganisa, garlic rice, fried egg and atchara with black coffee and a balikotcha ( a sugary tablet that doubles as a sweetener). definitely a heavy meal. here's a trivia: biguenos rarely eat bread. they are not fans of pandesal. instead they have native snacks made of rice and coconut or kankanen and eat heavy meals. i think it has to do with their source of livelihood. they are farmers, blacksmiths and potters. and they need all the energy to last the day to finish their work.

carlo, our tour guide, started us with a walk through calle crisologo. this famous street features old spanish style houses and a bricked pathway so that wherever the horse drawn carriages or kalesa goes by there's a distinct "clip-clop" sound that's quite adorable at first but it kind of gets annoying when you realize that in the olden days this is what was known as noisy traffic. another trivia for you: as much as this is one of the tourist spots of vigan, nobody wanted to walk along this street in the good old days. why? since there was not proper sewage system back then, people would empty their arinola (chamber pot) out on the street and it would smell really stinky, especially at noon when the sun is at its hottest. i'm so glad i live in this century!

as we registered for the vigan heritage river cruise (100 pesos-adults), we had fun looking over the mestizo river. unlike the rivers in manila, this one didn't reek of oil, garbage and slime. i actually appreciated the way these people respected nature and how they were taking care of the environment that they are dependent on. we definitely should learn from them. as the river tour progressed, we listened to a recorded audio track of vigan history. it was wonderful learning about another place's origins.

after the tour, we headed off to Syquia Mansion. the Syquia Mansion houses President Qurino’s extensive memorabilia is actually owned by his wife, Dona Alicia Quirino and we had the privilege of being shown around by the house's caretaker, Rusty. Vigan is the proud birthplace of the Philippines’ sixth president, Elpidio Quirino and their family is keeping the history alive in their ancestral home. you should definitely have him to give you the tour. he knows every story, every item and every angle since he took the pictures for our group all over the house. all this for a mere 20 pesos per head.

next we headed back to plaza burgos to visit the St. Paul Metropolitan Cathedral, Arzobispo Palace and Museum. to the catholics, vigan was a seat of power when the diocese of Nueva Segovia found a home here. until now, Catholicism rules the heart of a bigueno which makes them God-fearing and obedient to the church's teachings.

burgos museum was the next stop in our adventure. the museum had more artifacts on the natives and their way of life as well as life after the Spaniards settled in the area. Padre Jose Burgos was one of the three filipino priests fighting for equal rights among the spanish friars. he was suspected of treason and of being an insurgent. He, Gomez, and Zamora were executed in Manila’s Bagumbayan (now known as Luneta) as an example to all subversives. their death sparked the revolution that andres bonifacio, another filipino hero, waged against the abusive spaniards.

by this time, we were very hungry. so carlo took us to Grandpa's Inn for our lunch. the ambiance was very homey and the prices were very reasonable. we enjoyed the food and welcomed the respite. we went back to the hotel to freshen up for the second half of our tour.

to be continued...

traveller's note

2011-03-13T16:19:00.000-07:00

it's my first out of town trip this 2011. along with my buddies, joyee and jaz, we set out to Vigan, Ilocos Sur. the trip itself was planned a month and a half before, with some glitches here and there. i did the research part, finding the best value for the tour. i ended up with Shore2Shore Travel Services. they were very flexible and accommodating. Our package included:

Tour 1 - Thorough Vigan Tour
Baluarte, Burgos Museum, 3 Hours Calesa Tour (Bantay Church and Bell Tower, Crisologo , Museum, Jar Making, Hidden Garden, Syquia Mansion, Heritage Village), St. Paul Metropolitan Cathedral, Arzobispo Palace and Museum, Salcedo Village, Heritage River Cruise

and so on 3/03, there we were sitting at the Partas Bus station, Pasay waiting for the 11pm bus out of Manila. Fare costs P600. expected travel time was 10 hours but we arrived 2 hours earlier since our driver was determined to make the bus fly. at 8am we got off the bus and walked the early morning streets of Plaza Salcedo. breakfast at Mcdo Cathedral (we call it that because of the fake belfry) was the pretty much the same as in Manila and we checked in our hotel (Hotel Salcedo de Vigan). one thing i noticed is that the entire location is near the plaza. you really can't get lost as long as you've been to the place once. we did a lot of walking there since everything was accessible- the market, souvenir shops, bakery, eatery, church, etc. and on the occasion that we'd need to ride a tricycle, fare was a minimum 10 pesos.

wanting to get the most out of our Vigan trip, we set off preparing our journey to the Marcos Memorial in Batac, Ilocos Sur. it was a 2 hour bus trip from Vigan according to my dad so we took the scenic route (ordinary bus). we didn't expect that the bus would take a lot of stops and so we arrived in Batac very hungry and tired. after lunch at Jolibee, much like all lunches in Manila, we set off to the ex-president's memorial. to confirm--the figure above is indeed WAX. the real body of Marcos is underneath the crypt that the dummy is lying on. next was the World Peace Center -Marcos Photo Gallery. here you can view the past and present of the Marcos family including wedding pictures, state visits, articles on the Marcoses, their family line and it also features a wall mural. all this is for FREE.

Day One was exhausting but quite enjoyable as we ventured back to Vigan in Plaza Burgos during the afternoon. we followed our empty stomachs and headed off to the Vigan Empanadahan to sample their unique fare. Vigan empanada is a tortilla type snack. the dough is rolled and flattened out and then the filling is added. it consists of Vigan longganisa, shredded cabbage and carrots. and then it is folded into half and dropped into a large "kawa" (a very large frying pan) for deep frying. it comes out crispy outside and hot and delicious inside. it's eaten with a vinegar dip. Costs around P35-Regular, P10-Bite sizes (no longganisa in the filling). with satisfied bellies, it was back to the hotel for the night but not without drinking some hot choco at The Perfect Cup cafe to unwind. we looked forward to day two since it will be the start of our Vigan tour.

to be continued...

love in many forms

2011-02-13T17:38:00.000-08:00

i've always been the hopeless romantic. but i am not one for valentine's day. to me, it's like any other day of the week.

however, i do acknowledge what this day is all about. so in my small way i give honor to those with my list of:

The things I love the most

My family- yes, it's overrated but without them i would not be who i am today.
My friends- to the few who know me, all of my drama and eccentricities, and yet still love and accept me. I LOVE YOU TOO!
My cat- Mio, my young pet, you have so much to learn in this life and i hope i can be a good influence on you. you are so precious and it is your innocence that i love most.
My books- printed symbols on paper. your words give me comfort, excites me and moves me to create my own and inspire future readers like myself.
Breakfast dates- just hot coffee or the heavy meals offered at quaint coffee shops or fast food restos. this is a time for conversations, catching up and dreaming.
Percy, my netbook - i write my stories, create worlds of fantasy, make my art (photos and web designs), learn new things (through the internet and e-books) and connect to the world.
My alone time - whether it's reading a book in a coffee shop, listening to music on my MP3 player, watching movies alone in bed, or people watching in the mall, i am able to relax and relieve stress. i also get to take a deep breath and experience God's voice. i can take a step back from the chaos of life, reassess my goals, strategize and dream once more.
My visits to bookshops - it's relaxing and i am introduced to new and amazing writers.
Cooking- ok. i only do this occasionally and my favorite part is sharing my food with the people i love.
Traveling and Learning new things - it's important to me that i remain active intellectually. visiting new places opens me to new experiences and discoveries.
Zig - he makes me happy. enough said. :)

may you find love in all its forms in your life. remember that sometimes all that matters is that you love and soon enough love and happiness will find you.

world, meet our baby MIO

2011-02-06T02:40:00.000-08:00

everyone, i am pleased to introduce MIO, our baby Siamese cat. he's my post birthday gift from Zig. we traveled all the way to Caloocan to pick him up from the seller. he's so sweet and playful. he slept all the way home even when we stopped at Tiendisitas for food and to buy him some supplies.

my fiancee's quite overprotective. he wouldn't let me cover the box he was in, he wouldn't let me put him down on the backseat. i am also forbidden to let Mio out of the house or play with older cats. i can already see what kind of father he's going to be.

Mio is quite inquisitive. he's only a month and four days old. young enough to imprint on me but can already eat solids. thing is, i think he imprinted on Zig more.

i am looking forward to going through the baby pains again.

the romantic

2011-01-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

i did the unthinkable--i asked HIM to marry me. maybe i should have asked if he is going to marry me, at least it would not have sounded awkward. but we are just talking semantics. the point is i asked the question.

i have been feeling melancholic lately. quite frankly i am bored out of my too normal life that i need something shocking to happen to me. i'm getting impatient (maybe it's related to my recent birthday) and i suppose that's what led me to ask him about our future together.

now he's not the perfect catch, although i wish he was. he's not as romantic as i'd like him to be. not as sweet, not as spontaneous. he has his faults like all men do. and yet for some reason, i adore him. he is my heart's choice but for some weeks now i have been thinking a lot about the future. i feel that i am at a crossroad in my life. if i don't do anything grand now, i will be stagnant and unproductive. i will be, once again, left behind.

i have always been a "doer." if i want something, i strive hard to get it. and it's frustrating that i haven't been able to achieve any of my dreams so far. i've put my life on hold for God knows what and now i want to get back on track. i want HIM beside me through my journey and i needed to know if he wants to be with me too. so it was only a matter of time before my frustration boiled over and set the stage for this drama in my life.

and if you are wondering...he said YES.

in vampires, i trust

2011-01-27T18:55:00.001-08:00

in my most depressing times, like all bookworms, i hide in my library. and the book that i eagerly pick up is Bram Stoker's Dracula. i want to get lost in the sad, dreary world of the hero, the discovery of evil and the open possibility that the novel gives.

however since my book was borrowed by a friend, i am now reading the next best thing, The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. the same sense of gloom, open possibility in the ending and wonderful adventure through history and the Slovenian landscape makes me forget my own problems.

so with a mug of black coffee in one hand and the paperback in the other, i read my depression away with the hope that after this love affair with the dark, i'll find my way out of the haze.

IRON CHEF RIVERA

2011-01-20T18:50:00.000-08:00

My sister and I had a dinner cook off last week . My parents were supposed to be the judges but they kept neutral by saying both of the dishes tasted great. And so we asked votes from our friends through face book.

After one week, the results are in:

Red Bell Pepper Dish: 8-kathy, 6- janette score
Beef Dish: 8-kathy, 7- janette score

AND THE WINNER IS:

My first booksale!

2011-01-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

Horror, Fantasy, Fiction and Science Fiction Fans

Here it is: Books from my personal collection. I have scoured book sales and book fairs to build my all too original collection and now I am ready to share the stories that have delighted me so. These books are pre-loved so please forgive the yellowing pages, tattered covers and folded papers. But I guarantee that stories are intact and a wonderful read while drinking coffee, sitting on a couch or riding a bus.

Horror
Return to the Twilight Zone ed. by Carol Serling
Deathport ed. Ramsey Campbell
The Skin Trade introduced by Douglas Winter
The Vampire Papers by Michael Romkey
Bite by Laurell Hamilton
Servant of the Bones by Anne Rice
Fantasy
Renaissance Faire ed. by Andre Norton & Jean Rabe
Reave the Just and other tales by Stephen R. Donaldson
Fiction
McSweeney's Mammoth Treasury of Thrilling Tales ed. by Michael Chabon
Impossible by Danielle Steel
The Conspiracy Club by Jonathan Kellerman
Self-Defense by Jonathan Kellerman
Cat and Mouse by James Patterson
Fear Nothing by Dean Koontz
Science Fiction
Sometimes, Never by William Golding, John Wyndham,Mervyn Peake
The 3rd OMNI book of Science Fiction
Mother's Day ed. by Isaac Asimov
Thorns by Robert Silverberg
The year's best SF7 ed. by David G. Hartwell
Space Shuttles ed. Isaac Asimov
Future on Fire ed. by Orson Scott Card
Star Trek: The New Voyages 2 ed by Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath
Writers of the Future vol V ed. L. Ron Hubbard
The best science fiction of 2003 ed. Haber and Strahan

To Order: Please send me a PM FIRST!
Shipping cost will be shouldered by the Buyer
50.00-Within Metro Manila
100.00-Within the Philippines

Payment is thru deposit BPI ExpressCash, G-Cash or Smart Money
You can txt: (GLOBE) 0916-4930067 or (SMART) 0949-6440317

ONLY SERIOUS BUYERS PLEASE!

happy new year!!

2011-01-02T16:35:00.000-08:00

yup. more time for me, more love for myself and more rewards to my hard work. i deserve to make ME the center of 2011. i've been taking care of everybody else, been too careful of other people's feelings and it's about time that i take control. i mean, who else is going to do that for me, right? i am responsible for my own happiness.

2010 was about getting back on my feet. so far, i have been able to get a handle on that. my debts are in check, my lovelife is better and my family life is fine. 2011 will be about taking chances even in the face of failure. this will be a year of learning. i want to go on more workshops to improve my writing skills and hopefully get a decent piece published. i want to delve into history so expect more books/readings on asian and european literature. and of course, i am still crossing my fingers on my other application.

here's to wishing that you keep a positive outlook for 2011 because i already have! :)

it's christmas!!

2010-12-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

happy holidays to everyone! the weather, the lights and all the smells of christmas is in the air. i love every aspect of this holiday.

despite all the depressing news, i have resolved to make our family reunion as exciting and as lively as possible. since most of our clan have moved abroad, i want them to make every christmas an event they would come home for the next years to come.

so my sister and i planned out games and activities that would surely bring out the positive energy we need this christmas. i just hope no relative of ours ruin it by being a buzz kill. better bring out the benadryl just in case.

so what's my schedule like?

late christmas shopping for gifts on the 23rd and morning of the 24th.
gift wrapping til the afternoon.
organizing the prizes for the family reunion and festivities.
cooking my entry for the "best dish of the night"
picking my dress out for the evening and charging my camera
and having a blast on christmas day itself!

7 days to go. my wishlist goes up tomorrow! :)

when your dreams come for you

2010-11-11T17:57:00.000-08:00

yes. i have been negligent of my writing goals these past months. my time has been spent on sleep, work, chores and catching up on my book reading. i have almost lost hope in my dreams because i have been more concerned with the "NOW" than what sustains me as an artist.

yet i find it amazing how my dreams have sought me out. a month ago i received an invite to write for website's first published anthology, another sent me an email requesting for my published works to be included in their library and now i'm going to a writing workshop this saturday. things are certainly looking up!

when the universe tells you to do something, you pay attention. opportunities rarely open up. you have to seek them out yourself especially if it is something that makes you happy. in this case, it's being able to express myself, tell a story and inspire someone else.

all i can do is follow the yellow brick road with a smile on my face and a song in my heart. yey!

second chances

2010-10-14T17:32:00.001-07:00

not many are given a second chance. another chance at love, at life, at relationships, at proving their worth, at showing everyone that they are good at something. sometimes we forget that these people also make mistakes and too often it's the situatuion in life that prevents them from reaching their dreams.

i, for one, am a victim of circumstance. i suppose it wasn't the right time or the universe didn't see me fit to reach my dreams. but now i have another chance. all i have to do is muster up my courage, gather my wits, steel my resolve and go for broke. like they said, NO GUTS, NO GLORY!

i am both happy and scared. happy for the chance to prove myself once more but scared to fail. it is but natural however the moment that i let doubt creep in my psyche, i am toast! i lean on my friends and God's grace for strength.

i can do this. it's scary but i can do this. anything worth achieving is worth every bit of sweat, time, money and lost sleep for. wish me luck!

lovin' september

2010-09-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

it started with a text message from my dad and the next thing you know, i'm booking a flight to boracay for my folks and myself. it's my first time to ride a plane and see the white sandy beaches of boracay. it was a short but wonderful adventure!

i also received a lot of blessings--financially and relationship-wise. with things going my way, i took the chance in pushing through with one of my goals. i'm still waiting for a favorable response. will tell you about it soon. i am also due to finish 2 stories for submission and hopefully get my piece selected for publication. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

bought a lot of books too. 10 books this month and we're just half way through september! i'm such a bookworm so much so that i even found the only bookstore in boracay without exerting effort. it's a shop called boracay books!

all this because i willed it. because i asked it from the Lord and here it is! ask and you shall receive, He said. and all i have to do is continue with my promise of nurturing the gifts God gave me and sharing it with the world. i pray that all my sacrifices and hard work before pay off now.

raffy, you will be missed.

2010-08-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

our dearest friend raffy passed away yesterday. it came as a shock to us since we thought he was already recovering from his operation. we never thought we would be saying goodbye to him this early especially he just turned 30 yrs old last june. rest in peace, raffy.

along with his passing comes a warning to those in our industry- do not abuse your body. we all know the health hazards of our job like hypertension, insomnia, back pains, heart problems, ears, nose and throat complications and vision problems. prevention is a thousand times better than a cure. take your vitamins, get at least 6-8 hours of sleep, exercise and make time for the things that matter in your life--your family, friends and loved ones. remember that in the end, no matter how independent or invincible you may seem to be, it's those people who will be by your side in time of need.
==
i just want to thank my king for being there for me. i am sad right now even though i only knew raffy less than a year. his smile is always a morale booster for me and i felt the loss of another beautiful spirit in this world. death never settles well with my constitution. when dexter passed away, i grieved for more than a year and i can only imagine how his family feels.
==
live like there's no tomorrow, love like you'll never see them again. now is the time to tell your loved ones how much your appreciate them and love them dearly. you'll never know when God will call for you so make sure that those people know that you love them.

OT?

2010-07-15T16:47:00.000-07:00

it's been a really stressful 3 days. and things were made no better especially with basyang blowing in and giving us a brownout. i am truly impressed with my officemates who choose to go on overtime knowing full well the nature of our job. i guess when you really need the money, you'll do everything it takes.

i've never been one to go on voluntary overtime. my rest is very important to me. those two days away from work allows me to step back and appreciate what i'll be doing again in the next five days. take that away from me and i'll be a grumpy, sarcastic, nasty and bitchy little person. you wouldn't like to speak to someone like that over the phone, would you?

those two days seems so little but mean so much. i get to read my books, watch my movies and tv series (just saw the sorcerer's apprentice and will be watching Chuck 3), connect with my family and friends (online and in real life), write my stories and in my journal and do some reevaluation of my life goals. for example, how to save up 2M for a condo/apartment unit for myself.

hmm...boss, sign me up for OT, will you?

tagaytay adventure

2010-07-01T06:40:00.000-07:00

it's our last night here in casa de carlo, tagaytay. what a vacation! we went to a lot of places - picnic grove, viewsite restaurant, buon giorno, starbucks, the coffee beanery, good shepherd, sanctuarium, summit ridge, bag of beans and mushroom burger. alright...so maybe we spent more time eating than actually seeing the sights.

tagaytay is really a place of relaxation, a getaway from the fast paced life of manila. would you believe that there's no mall here? the nearest one is in pala-pala, cavite or the one in sta. rosa, laguna. besides there's only so much you can do after the view of the taal volcano and taal lake. sure picnic grove offers the zipline, horseback rides, kite flying and cable car ride but for us ladies, we opted for the soothing massage and facials at the skin station, summit ridge. so we pretty much forgot about everything else in our work, family and personal issues during the week.

of course, tomorrow is another story. tomorrow we go back to our crazy yet blessed lives. to the clients we help, the family we embrace and the friends we laugh with and share our woes to. to the dreams we desire to come true, the goals we work hard for to achieve and the surprises that life occasionally throws our way.

i can't wait to do this again!

just before June ends

2010-06-24T21:06:00.000-07:00

these past few weeks have been very stressful. i mean work is beginning to feel like "work". it used to be that i look forward to taking calls. now it's more like waiting for the clock to blow the whistle for the end of the shift. but i am still grateful, still appreciative and still positive. as they say, "no one's going to rain on my parade."

ok, some checklists:

i have a law student boyfriend now. God help me!
watched season finale of "Glee" and started to pick up on the new drama "Lie to Me"
spending my days as playful aunt to nephew AJ since they are staying at our house
reading, reading, reading...
spent time with my mom and officemates (beth, jaz, jen and joy)
and of course...eating!!
planning my next solo travel
been sleeping normally now thanks to those vitamins
getting addicted to "mysteryville" and "plants vs zombies"
next month, will be moving to my grandparents' house in Taguig which is closer to my office.

still looking for new ways to earn extra income. it's a priority to pay off most of my debts by end of this year. i fantasize being able to say that i have liquid assets again.

as for my relationship, i am happy where i am. although lately i've been having this "urge" to get married and start a new life with my king. i think it has something to do with the so called, "biological clock." it's frustrating to feel so helpless when it's my body trying to force its will on me.

oh well. for now, i'm just itching for a new adventure. can't wait!

we are having a baby!!

2010-05-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

"A cat breed native to Siam (now Thailand), Siamese are nice looking but are likely high maintenance ones. Known for its large ears, Siamese are slim and athletic and love to communicate with his master through yowling in a rasping voice to get some attention. They have short fur and lies close to their skin. They love to be stroked , and are extremely loyal and close to one person. They are very intelligent and loving" - from gomestic.com

i was so excited when Zig told me the big news. i feel i am ready to be a mom again. ever since dexter passed away 2 years ago, i have never been the same. i've also noticed (and i guess so has my hubby) that i easily get stressed out and have bouts of depression. he has expressed getting a cat for me last year but i was still in mourning. now all i can think about is a name and which corner he will sleep in my room.

i am thinking of naming the cat percy, if it's a boy. i am still undecided if it's a girl. will post the very first pics when he arrives!!

2010-05-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

since i've collected so many books, i thought of a way to read through their works by featuring the writer each month. i am looking forward to discovering and re-discovering these writing legends.

this month it's NEIL GAIMAN.

because i missed his visit last 3/17, i am going to pay homage to him by reading all his books in my bookshelf and also write stories based on his characters. i also hope i can go to this workshop on May 18-19.

===

first love

2010-04-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

been spending a lot of time online lately. you could say i'm doing research for my next story. i've also been utilizing it for my studies and looking for writing opportunities. i miss the writing world. i miss the network of writers and friends that i've made along the way. i miss being around people who enjoy a good story.

slowly but surely i will find my way back. this has been a prolonged haitus. my inner geek needs to stretch her legs and start walking in the mud again.

downtime

2010-03-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

while waiting for him...

help!

2010-03-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

welcome to my room! yes, i need help. see the books? see the clutter? don't you feel suffocated? that's why i need a room makeover.

i'm on a very tight budget so i have to find ways of getting organized without spending a lot. i do need to invest on a bookcase, a beanbag/chair (to serve as my reading area) and maybe a writing desk to put my laptop on. my biggest problem is how to dispose of my old things (books, clothes, shoes, broken appliances, bags, etc.).

any suggestions?

it's that time of the month

2010-03-10T20:29:00.001-08:00

feels great to finish a book and be part of an adventure. the problem with a novel though is you need time to breathe before picking up a new one. just finished with James Rollins' "The Last Oracle." it sent me to a trip around greece, washington DC, india and russia. now i'm about to read "The Alexandria Link" by Steve Berry. i'll be running the streets of england, portugal and america soon - figuratively, of course. i wish i could really go on these adventures. it sounds all so exciting!
==
it's time for my monthly "pity party" where i evaluate my life's direction and assess my progress. so far, i'm stuck. i'm barely surviving each payday. not to mention making sure that i keep my debts in check. i should be proud of myself for being able to handle it well, mostly because of my friends' help. still i am very grateful for what God has given me. let this be a lesson to all--stick to your budget! haha!

as easygoing as i am, i feel like i'm being left behind by my peers. some have been promoted, others have gone to pursue different career paths, a few found a new motivation in their lives (new loves or children). whereas i am still here in the same old house, same old routine, same old relationship, same old goals. it sucks. i have so many dreams and plans and yet i don't see any actual change.

my friend said i'm just too impatient. time alone will show my success. i am merely planting the seeds for today so that in the next few months, i will see all my efforts payoff. well, i admit. waiting has never been my strongest trait.

so the best thing for me to do is keep busy. as long as i make sure that my small projects are aligned with my goals then i won't be surprised when the day comes that i'm sitting in my own apartment, celebrating my book launching party while waiting for my love to arrive with the plane tickets to that weekend trip in the bahamas. (what a dream!)

creative energy

2010-03-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

i'm on the first part of my vacation. getting better for me means renewing my creativity. i have more time to think of beautiful things and appreciate them, write stories and create another world, read books and expand my horizon, watch movies and enjoy life. all this without spending a dime!

i love this "me" time!

insomnia again

2010-02-26T07:11:00.000-08:00

Still having some trouble sleeping. It's always been an issue since I was a teenager. Doctors first attributed it to my UTI condition. Later it was due to stress. Now it's mainly overthinking and overfatigue. My latest prescription states: Go on a vacation!

I know I need a break. I always have my one week vacation around this time of the year but since my move to another company, I can't afford to be out of the office that long (and take note--it's unpaid leaves). I'm thinking of a place with lots of scenery. I've thought about going to the beach or visiting Baguio. But times have changed. We need money to do anything and go anywhere. And my financial situation is just starting to lighten up so it's going to take a lot more patience and discipline to save up for that trip.

For now I have to content myself with my regular Tagaytay visit once a week. At least I can still see some greenery there and breathe in fresh air. And to relax, I have my king to take care of me in that department. Wish me a good night's sleep!

something old and cute

2010-02-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

The Super Sister Chronicles: Episode Nine- The Bakeoff
By katz

I had a deadline. At exactly 1600 hours, I am to present 72 big and 90 small heart-shaped cookies to Wonder Girl for their Valentine bake sale. Hesitant baker that I was, I have no choice. My baby sister needed rescuing and I am the only available superhero in HQ at the moment. Superman is busy helping Pres. Bush locate the weapons of mass destruction of Saddam. Cat Woman is in Hollywood to cast the new star of her next film. And Hellboy is occupied with TV interviews and product endorsements. Armed with my apron and spatula, I, Super Sister, get to work.
==
0900 hours

After consulting the Book of Confectionary Concoctions, I head to the cupboard for the ingredients to make the chocolate chip cookies. Using my calculating abilities, I estimated the total bake work to three batches of big ones and three batches of small ones. Each batch would take an entire hour to mix the ingredients, shape the dough and cook it to perfection. For now, time is my enemy.

Two cups of flour, three-fourth tablespoon of baking powder, half a cup of brown sugar, half a cup of oil and three eggs, beaten, go into my Tupperware mixing bowl. I wash my hands clean and begin to work on the dough. With each push and pull of the dough, I grip the bowl and start to use my Palate Seduction (PSed) powers. Palate Seduction (PSed) is mainly the power to influence a person through the stomach. By using food as a decoy of my motives, I am able to make the person do whatever I want.

I brought out mental pictures of the sweetest moments of my life or the most romantic stories I’ve heard from Spiderman, Jean Grey and the Invisible Girl and then transferred the emanating energy from these pictures to the dough. Soon enough the dough is smooth. I then add three-fourths cup of chocolate chips and mix it again for an even finish. I leave the dough to rest while I start on the oven.

0920 hours

Having washed my hands clean, I pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius and return to the dough with my cookie cutter, cookie pan and oil. I lightly grease the pan with oil and set it aside. I then turn to the dough, take a fistful and begin to pat the dough down on the board, readying it for the heart-shaped cutters. Pressing down on each available section of the dough, I placed each cut piece on the pan as I sing one love song after another and transfer their energies to the uncooked cookies.

With the first batch ready to cook, I wash my hands yet again and place the pan inside the warm oven. While I waited, my mind and hands began on the second batch.

0950 hours

The lovely aroma of freshly baked cookies fills the air of the Galactic Federation of Heroes’ kitchen. With dog-shaped mittens, I carefully take the hot pan out of the oven. I am not so invulnerable as I used to be. Ever since I started my training, I have found that my other powers have diminished. Perhaps it is to compensate for the genes I am using as I develop the rest of my abilities.

Using my spatula, I ease out each cookie onto a cooling rack. I then do a quick oiling of the pan and place the second batch on it. Once again, I face the hot oven and feed my sweet brown dough creations into it.

1220 hours

Wolverine came by and tried to steal a cookie from me. Good thing I stopped him from having a bite or else he would have fallen madly in love with the first person he sees (me, at this point, as I am the only person in the kitchen) for ten minutes. Such is the amount of PSed I used on each piece. My brain hurts as I finally eased out the third batch of the big hearts from the oven. I deserve a break, my face all red and flustered from the heat. But I cannot stop now. I will not disappoint Wonder Girl.

1406 hours

I’m getting irritated at this point. But the sight of all those lovely brown delights lined up in front of me is worth this pain and aggravation. Cutting the third batch of small hearts, I begin to wonder how nice it would be if Batman showed up and ate one of my yummy cookies. He’d probably carry me off to his Batmobile and we’d spend the entire day at his mansion. Maybe I should make some more just in case he drops by.

1550 hours

It is done. I am tired and hungry but it is done. Beside me lay 162 pieces of perfectly baked, golden brown cookies, smelling sweetly of chocolate and desire, inside a Tupperware container. I heaved a satisfied sigh.

1602 hours

An excess of a dozen big heart-shaped cookies lay on a plate drizzled in chocolate syrup on the table while I washed my hands for the last time. As I was putting the ingredients and utensils away, Wonder Girl arrives in her red carriage. She exclaims thanks, gives me a peck on the cheek and hurriedly left HQ to join the rest of the protégées on their Valentine bake sale at Hero University. I can’t wait for her report tonight.

While I was cleaning the oven, Hercules enters the kitchen and greets me. Distracted by the melted chocolate chip stains inside the oven, I did not hear the munching and moaning sounds over by the table. Suddenly, I remembered the extra cookies I left on the table.

Fearing the worst, I slowly raised myself off the oven and stared at the cookie crumbles on top of the empty plate. I watched helplessly as Hercules’ pupils expanded at the sight of me.

Too tired to conjure up a convincing illusion, I surrendered to an inescapable fate. I slowly head for the refrigerator to grab a carton of milk. Nothing goes down best with cookies than milk.
==
i remember writing this way before the movie SKY HIGH came out. i found it amusing that the idea was good enough for film (by the way, sky high is one of my favorite movies!).

Happy valentine's everyone! Grab that milk and cookie!

raw emotions

2010-01-21T16:59:00.000-08:00

It's so easy to hate. To be angry, to lose yourself completely to the emotion. There are days that I just want to surrender to that little devil on my shoulder and just let the hate take over. You know what my problem is--I think everyone is basically good and I fall inlove with them easily. And then I get disappointed.

I'm a nice person, right? I try my best not to offend anyone and I am sensitive enough to other people's needs. I stay out of trouble all because I believe in the "golden rule." That's me. That's my personality. So why can't I find a guy who treats me well? I don't ask much. And I am willing to compromise. Am I a hopeless basketcase? Is this my lot in life? I honestly don't know.

They tell me to be patient. That there's someone out there for me, the right guy. Someone who will respect and love me and share my life with. I'm skeptical but hopeful. I just feel so tired of waiting. I want to be an active participant in this search for love. It seems like I've been waiting forever.

In the meantime, I fill my world with distractions of life. Yet my heart is still tempted to hate. It is full of bitterness and sadness. I pray that the day will come when I won't have to fear my own self from becoming a cold person. I want to be able to give my whole being to my destined partner in the end.

3 days until my birthday. My birthday wish? An e book reader like Kindle or a Sony Reader. Pretty steep, I know. But hey..I own an Asus laptop and a Philips GoVibe Media Player so a Kindle isn't that hard to save up for, right? Of course, I would love it if it was given as a gift (like the GoVibe from my king).

Oh well, another year goes by. I wonder if my birthday week will turn out great. We'll just have to see...

lost and found

2009-12-26T02:00:00.000-08:00

finding an old book is like meeting a lost friend. in college i was an idealistic schoolgirl who had patriotic delusions of granduer for my country. my alma mater nurtured that undirected passion and helped me focus on cultivating national pride. Ambeth Ocampo, F. Sionil Jose, Francisco Tonogbanua and Jose Rizal were a few of the authors i would frequently read. i remember one specific book that i was fond of reading but, being the only copy, had to wait in line for each time the week was up. it was "Some are Smarter than Others- The History of Marcos Crony Capitalism" by Ricardo Manapat. i devoured that book, read it during my free time and sneaked away in my room whenever i was able to bring it home for the week. i was convinced that marcos was a charismatic, diabolical but brillant strategist who manipulated people to gain from their weaknesses. i had much to learn from the man and his cronies if only to apply their cunning ways in my favor. after college though, i had to say goodbye to the book that sparked my curiosity.

years later, that same book would fall into my hands. not by active choice but by fate. my dad, who supports my love of reading, recently brought home the said book. i am thrilled! seeing that book brought back fond memories. it's as if i was back in my college days but now i don't have to wait in line. i can read it over and over again. ah...this is bliss!

I'd also like to have Jose Rizal's "Noli Me Tangere" and "El Filibusterismo" as part of my library. I think I will be able to appreciate it better now that I am of age. Sometimes we only get the heart of the things we read when we have the experiences to relate to it.
==
christmas was great. despite having limited income, our clan was able to celebrate it with a blast. Aside from the usual picking of the year's Santa Claus, we now have a new family tradition-pinoy henyo! everyone enjoyed the game. there were laughs all around and the electrifying atmosphere of friendly competition. i'm looking forward to next year's party.

my gifts? not a lot but then again i wasn't expecting much. the most unexpected gift came from my king--a 4GB Philips GoGear VIBE Media Player. I saw how much it was from a brochure and by golly, i was impressed that he spent that much for a gift! i suppose he really does love me enough to shell out almost 4k. my dilemma now is what to get him to top that. i'll just have to wait til i get my back pay next year. i'm still broke. poor me!

i'm looking forward to another great year. i pray we all have the blessing of good health, great wealth, strong faith in God, and faithful love from our family, friends and that special someone. Happy New Year everyone!!

simplicity is the key

2009-12-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

training week is over and we start taking calls about today. i've been enjoying my new environment but my mind is full of things right now. bills to pay, projects to finish, movies to watch, books to read, stories to write, photos to take and people to reunite with. i need to focus with the job at hand and it'll take a lot of effort since i'm missing my beloved. i can't stop thinking about him. so it's a good thing that he came over the house yesterday. being in his arms and smelling him like that was intoxicating. at least now i can concentrate on my work and i can do more.

i hate not being able to pay my dues.i'm so wrapped up in meeting my obligations that i don't feel the christmas season. i am so broke! no money for gifts or for food. i'm a pauper till the next 3 months. i pray that i can weather this out. i don't like ruining people's trust by not being able to give their money back in time. i hope they can extend their patience with me. i guess it's going to be a sad birthday for me too. simple pleasures will have to do.

foodie!

2009-11-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

i love food. i love the comfort it brings. it fills the stomach, sustains life and nourishes the soul. it also brings families together, shares good times with friends and even build relationships with strangers. the ironic thing about it is that i have never written anything about food. no food review of sorts, nothing to even convey how it tastes, its texture, color and how it plays. why? maybe because i didn't feel the need to do so.

yet, to honor and perhaps display my love for food, i have taken the habit of food photography with my camera phone. i think it's less intrusive to use that one instead of a digital camera to take a picture. my phone specs is pathetic because it only has VGA resolution but i have been able to take great pictures despite its mediocre quality. my goal for my birthday next year is to buy a decent camera phone, one with 3+ mega pixels. and perhaps start a camera photography group. i'm interested in photography but not so much on the technical side than on composition. i just want to capture great moments and beautiful, interesting things.

i am all but excited!

my treasures

2009-11-22T03:55:00.002-08:00

here's a little peak at my book treasures:

The Reel Stuff(1998)
An anthology of stories edited by Martin H Greenberg and Brian M Thomsen

Science fiction has always been a natural vehicle for film and television, and now you can enjoy the original stories upon which the celluloid versions were based. Included are the creative inspirations that were the basis of such blockbusters as "Total Recall," "Screamers," and the recent hit "Mimic." Perfect for the science fiction fan or film buff who always wanted to know the stories behind the movies.

The City 2000 A. D.: Urban Life Through Science Fiction 1976)
An anthology of stories edited by Ralph Clem, Martin H Greenberg and Joseph Olander

Includes "New York: A.D. 2660" by Gernsback; "Jesting Pilot" by Kuttner; "Chicago" by Monteleone; "Street of Dreams, Feet of Clay" by Sheckley; "The Vanishing American" by Beaumont; "Billenium" by Ballard; "Total Environment" by Aldiss; "Black is Beautiful" by Silverberg; "In Dark Places" by Hensley; "East Wind, West Wind" by Robinson; "Disposal" by Ron Goulart; "The Undercity" by Dean Koontz; "Gas Mask" by James D.Houston; "Traffic Problem" by William Earls; "Gantlet" by Richard E.Peck; "City's End" by Mack Reynolds; "The Slime Dwellers" by Scott Edelstein; "A Happy Day in 2381" by Silverberg.

The Playboy Book of Science Fiction and Fantasy (1966)
An anthology of stories edited by Editors of Playboy

Despite (or perhaps because of) its once taboo subject matter, Playboy magazine has garnered a reputation as a market for daring, innovative short fiction since its inception in 1953. In particular, science fiction authors used Playboy as a forum for stories in which they explored literary themes and adult situations that would have rendered them unpublishable by mainstream SF magazines then aimed at teenagers. Alice K. Turner, Playboy's fiction editor, has collected a remarkable set of science fiction stories for this anthology. The list of prestigious, award-winning authors whose stories graced the magazine's pages between those (in)famous photos reads like a science fiction hall of fame: Ray Bradbury, Ursula K. Le Guin, Norman Spinrad, Damon Knight, Kurt Vonnegut Jr., J.G. Ballard, Frederick Pohl, Arthur C. Clarke, Larry Niven, Harlan Ellison, Philip K. Dick, Robert Silverberg, Joe Haldeman, and more. The stories span from the late 1960s through the late 1990s, with several SF subgenres such as new wave and cyberpunk represented. Some of these works are reprints, some are original, but each provides a glimpse into a fascinating sidebar in SF publishing.

==
Happy reading!!

destiny

2009-11-08T17:45:00.000-08:00

My dad said that when he saw my mom for the first time, he knew he was going to end up spending the rest of his life with her. Despite my mother snickering in the background, I find love stories that begin like this magical. It’s like seeing destiny hard at work in fulfilling what was written in the Book of Life centuries before.

I see destiny as a ninja, always lurking in the shadows. It follows us constantly, with his ear sharply attuned to the each thought and movement we make. It sets the stage for things (in relation to your future) to happen and changes things along the way too (when you veer away from what is suppose to happen).

Some people hate the concept of destiny or fate. They think that believing in such things absolves the person from taking control over their own lives. Why make things happen if they are meant to happen anyway? Why be an active participant in shaping your future self if being passive leads to the same result? What difference does each decision make?

Perhaps it’s the uncertainty of what version of our future selves do we become that drives us to live life with such a struggle. We can be whatever we want to be but only if we want it so much that our entire being shudders at the thought of being something else, something other than who we are destined to become. Because free will is mixed into the formula, destiny cannot do its mission properly without the person’s conscious efforts.

Destiny works in small ways. One day you just decide to become a singer and the next thing you know, you meet a choir leader. That’s destiny right there, setting you up for more vocal practice and bigger things. Sometimes, when destiny’s really generous, he’ll give it to you in one drop like landing a contract for a recording label. At times like this, you must remember that even destiny can’t wait forever.

I think that’s why the people who know about destiny, free will and conscious effort seem to be the happiest, successful and richest ones. They know they can’t control everything but with the things that they can change, they do something about it. Destiny can only go so far. After that, you are on your own.

moments

2009-11-08T00:06:00.000-08:00

this is one of my favorite pictures. it's my sister with baby aj at the billiard hall. they came over to watch me practice and i guess baby aj liked the cool temperature that he fell asleep. they look so cute together! it's one of those things you'd like to look back on years after.

makes me wonder how i would be like as a mother..hmm, any thoughts?

and then there's this..

2009-11-01T04:20:00.000-08:00

it's november! a few more days and i'll be moving along to a new adventure. and definitely the signs that this decision was the right one are still coming through. bills are getting paid, i still get to treat myself from time to time and i recently received news that i have old and lovely friends working there as well so it's not going to be that lonely after all! and guess what...i'm so happy that i'm even making sales (much to the dismay of my AMO and MO since i'm leaving soon).

i think i'm spreading myself thin with my many engagements from left to right. not to mention meeting my family obligations. so little time, so much to do! but i have no complaints. only that my body is screaming for a relaxing vacation. hopefully i can grant its request soon. for now, these sacrifices are worth the time i spend with my friends and loved ones.
==
i need a room make over! i have old books, clothes, shoes and bags to dispose of. i want a semblance of order in my chaotic life and i'm starting with my room.

i really get excited whenever i think about the final look of my room. i haven't really decided on the colors but i've begun making floor plans and sketches of how i would like my room to be. i also have a few ideas on what furnitures i want in it. i need to get myself a computer table, work desk and a bookshelf.maybe throw in a reading chair, if the space allows it.

yey! i absolutely love being creative. i am intoxicated with the ideas flowing from my head. i'm becoming more visual. vibrant images excite me and along with it comes the joy of being part of the birth of something wonderful in my life.

moving along

2009-10-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

i am still stunned at how things are falling into place with my move to another company. i'm getting my bills paid and most recently, am a proud owner of ACM-802 (that's the family owner jeep). ok fine...it's not as classy as an Altis or Vios but i'll take whatever God gives me. so far i've been taken cared of ever since i gave control of my life to God and i am very, very thankful.

giving up control is still hard for me to swallow. i like knowing what to expect..even just a general idea works fine. but being blind about my future absolutely scares me. right now i'm doing ok just living each moment one day at a time. i always have to remind myself to slow down and CHILL whenever i start being agitated.

i'm enjoying spending time with my old teammates and discovering new friendships in my present team. it's great that i get to share experiences with them. i look forward to new, memorable and crazy adventures ahead!

despite those bouts of loneliness, i can honestly say that life's good and that i am slowly moving forward.

a change will do me good

2009-10-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

work's not going well. just when i thought i was getting it together, the rain came pouring down. i hate being right 95% of the time. it would be have been 100% if i didn't second guess myself and just trusted my instincts. it's a blessing and a curse to be analytical and emotionally sensitive. not only that, i am chronically nice so making a decision requires hours on my end...days even! yes, it's a mess being inside my head.

on the bright side, i'm getting excited again. why? it's because in the search for my passion job, i am rediscovering my creative self. i really love creating things. it's just like what my idol, Neil Gaiman said, "The world always seems brighter when you've just made something that wasn't there before." i honestly feel that way. will still keep a day job. it's a necessity anyway, both for living expenses and my sanity.

==
spent my VL last month on a CHUCK-PUSHING DAISIES marathon with my mom plus i am creating my project website workflow, catching up on my reading (the digital designer's bible & Novel ideas: Science Fiction), practising my story writing skills, icon and banner image editing, researching on my several projects and reconnecting with friends. i'm investing as much time as i can with my passions coz once i return to work, i must focus on getting my stats up. i'm using my anger as motivation despite the fact that i know i will fail this month's scorecard already. it's really frustrating to be this helpless. wish i could find a new inspiration.

as for my health, it's not looking good. colds and cough are rampant and i have fallen victim to them. will probably get a CA in attendance but what can you do when it's your body complaining? anyway, i will take responsibility for my actions like always. no sense in destroying my good reputation.

i know that things will get better with God taking the reins. although it's hard to understand where he's leading me in my life right now, i put my trust in Him. there are just some things in life we are meant to get the significance in retrospect. so as of today it's "living in the moment" for me. no thought of the future, just letting the tide wash me away and then see where it takes me.

love is a battlefield

2009-09-07T00:51:00.000-07:00

i just watched "he's just not that into you." and i find it surprising that greg brendhart's book does say a lot about how men play the game. it's enough to make you want to abandon dating ever again. all the subtles clues you have to pick up if he likes you, if he will call you back or if he's even genuinely interested in you. and after you think that you've read the signs correctly, you now have to second guess all his actions, whether he's just fooling around, he's stringing you along for the ride or if he's serious enough about you to want to have a committed relationship down the line.

personally, i find the game tiring. why can't a man be honest and lay down his cards on the table for a woman to accept him with all his praises and faults? why are they indecisive when it comes to choosing ONE woman while they can stay loyal to their favorite basketball team even if that team never won a championship game in years? all this talk of being visually-stimulated and being wired to look for variety seems like a load of psychobabble to justify men's incapacity to be content with their happiness when it's right in front of them.

sure, i mean we all have issues that we need to face in life. insecurities, fears and dreams that we would like to overcome and conquer. but it's a team effort. humans need an emotional support system to balance out all the other aspects of their life and we get it from our family, friends, pets and our partners. so why is it so hard to find that constant person in our life to fill that need and be enough?

one theory is because of change. nothing in this universe ever stays the same and as we add life experiences everyday, our tastes, preferences and needs also shift- either it matures or devolves. eventually we tire of who we've chosen before and begin another cycle of courtship or flirtation with someone new, suddenly forgetting the contentment, the joy of the one we are currently with.

i do not take free will out of anyone's right. far from it. my point is when you find that person then stick with them. if you don't mean to play for keeps then be upfront about it. i'm sick and tired of hearing men justify their philandering when all they are really doing is trying to convince themselves that they are good just to curb that guilty feeling inside. what a bunch of ass---es!

i write for spite. i write for all those women who gave their everything to that guy who didn't deserve it in the first place. i write for those times he says he loves you while banging another girl the next day. i write for all those weekends he says he can't make it because of a meeting while he's enjoying an out of town trip with another girl. i write for all those times you've been patient with all his shortcomings and yet he gives the other girl his best front. love stinks!

i choose not to be a victim. i will find my happiness and even if it takes 3, 5 or 10 years to get it, i don't care. i know i will find my happy ending. i refuse to be beaten down by a weakling who hides in the facade of office power and rank.

for now i will find happiness in other people, in my friends, in my family and in my passions. i will explore the world the way you could never give me because i know that when i am healed then my heart will be overflowing with love and the guy who gets to share this life with me is one lucky bastard.

nothing stays the same

2009-09-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

i am a restless person. i bore easily and if something doesn't keep my interest and if i feel it's not worth my time and energy, i have no qualms about making changes in my life.

and so the inevitable happened. since dexter passed away, my life has been spiralling out of control, with nothing absolute to hold on to except my faith in God and my friends. even my lovelife crash and burned and now i am ready for something new and real.

i want commitment. i want to surround myself with things that matter, people who sincerely love and care about me as much as i care about them, people whom i can look up to and respect, things that add value to my life experiences, things that i am passionate about. new friends, new experiences, new challenges, new everything! i feel like i am ready to start over. to take more risks even if it means failure.

i know it will be hard in the beginning but i will overcome. my trust in God will not falter. and i believe with my whole heart that He has something beautiful for me at the end of this painful journey that i am going through. (and by the way, if you are wondering..things are not yet smooth sailing for me. i put on a brave face everyday despite the pain i bear inside.)

i have no regrets. only this lesson learned: "accept things, let go and then move on."

it's time to love myself.

wedding bliss

2009-08-08T18:36:00.000-07:00

they're married!
Congratulations Macky and Mark!

==

there were a few snags but nothing that 2 wedding coordinators, with the help of the couple's friends, couldn't pull off. no crying story for this wedding. i have never seen such wide smiles and toothy grins on the faces of so many people before. it was a cemented love long overdue.

i wish you all the best life has to offer. more blessing to come and may you grow in love always!

while i was waiting...

2009-08-07T01:43:00.000-07:00

my cousin's getting married this weekend and i'll be one of many who will witness this beautiful union. but while i'm waiting for that event, i'm here at the mall mulling over things non wedding related. like for example how spoiled my body has become. no wonder i'm getting heavier! i have no form of exercise except walking and typing.

i think my depression has passed. i blame my hormones. it seems that i'm one of those millions suffering from some type of psychosis every month. but my fear about not performing well at work is still very real. i've tried peer counseling and considered job hunting. it was a good thing that i waited before making any rash decision. at least now i am able to think rationally and review my options. my new teammates are ok too so i'm not lonely anymore. plus the book i'm reading now, "WORK: making a living and making a life," is helping me a lot in gaining a different perspective about my job. I highly recommend it.

i miss the simple pleasures of my careless youth. things were so much easier back then. and yet i wouldn't trade the freedom i have now for anything else. so much good came out of my life experiences....some wonderful, some painful. my only wish i that i never lose my capacity to love and trust people despite the cynicism in this world. and that i take more risks even if it means failure.
==
the country is mourning the loss of a beloved president--Corazon C. Aquino. i am deeply sad with her passing. but like her husband, her death also reunited the people. old sins were forgiven and for a brief moment, we were proud to be Filipinos once more. i wish we could always be like that. happy and proud to carry our flag and shout our identity however young and immature it may seem to the world.

introspection

2009-07-14T17:21:00.000-07:00

something very personal...

after my transfer to a new process, i feel like a fallen leaf being carried by the wind. whatever connections i've had with my roots--strong bonds with my teammates and friends from my first process--were cut off. i have never felt so lonely despite being around my new friends. i guess because it's always hard to create new beginnings especially when i have a problem with letting go. yes, it is time for a change in my life. i have made that pronouncement since january. it's the relationships that were developed that i don't want to let go of.

take for example my teammates. i just saw them this morning and i instantly felt their love and care. and then i realized that it is the very thing missing in my lonely existence these past few days. sure, i've made a lot of new friends in this new process but nothing beats history with my old team.

i miss spending time with the people who genuinely care about me. after dexter passed away, i have been constantly searching for an unwavering source of love and understanding for my eccentric ways. i always have to keep in mind that my friends and loved ones have their own lives to take care of so it's hard to depend on them. it's too frustrating. so much so that i've done some stupid things lately...things i just laugh at but are clear signs of someone calling out for affection. yes, i am needy but reasonable.

so i hide what i feel in my books, my movies, my projects and my bed to keep from being called clingy. being the responsible one and the behaved daughter is beginning to take its toll. i want to escape my label. to be free in my creativeness, try out new things, go to new places, take more risks and go on adventures. i feel like a caged pet.

really wish something amazing will happen to lift my spirits up in the next few days...

so far, so good

2009-06-27T00:38:00.000-07:00

here's a little shameless plugging: i love Burger King at the Alabang Town Center!! their slogan--have it your way-- is expressed all over the store. you can request for a customized burger, with whatever on it. they have have a saying posted on the fryer stating that the crew should never laugh at any customer's request despite it's weirdness. they have masseurs in the store walking around and asking customers if they want a free massage. there's free in-store movie (currently playing mama mia!), free charging stations for different mobile units and media accessories like Ipod, PSP, etc. best of all, free wi-fi!! is it any wonder why i hang around here so often?
==
my dad just bought me a cellphone. it's a china phone but no matter. i'm happy with the fact that my dad gave me a gift without expecting something in return. finally, someone willing to spend thousands of pesos just to make me happy!! i love my father.

work is all about adjustment. we're already taking calls and it's tough to switch from a service queue to a sales queue. so far, so good. God has been kind to me with the sales i've been making but i still need to push myself and get out of my comfort zone. i've already met my new boss so let's see what's going to happen.

just living life one day at a time and so far..life is good!
==
i just wanted to share this:

5 Step program for success (from the movie, BIG LOVE)

Goal setting- Should be for YOU.
Start TODAY--Not later, not tomorrow. NOW.
NO SHORTCUTS -- There's no easy way to succeed.
Motivate Yourself - Find things that inspire you. Surround yourself with things that make you feel good.
Be happy - Reward yourself.

2009-06-02T01:53:00.000-07:00

after 3 weeks of pestering tesa, i have successfully managed to complete the rubiks cube!(insert hoots and whistles here). and i have also started spreading the rubiks fever with my first pupil, mr.-toot-. however, the learning doesn't stop there. from what i understand there are a lot of ways to complete a cube. my officemate, gen, has taught me another way to match the first 2 tiers of the rubiks. and since my seat in the training room is way out in the dark corner, having the cube keeps me awake while the class is in session.
==
i want to kick myself for splurging in food and books again. it's hard to discipline myself when it comes to my vices especially when no one is around to control me. still, i have no regrets. i just wish i have more time to enjoy my purchases. to be honest, i haven't finished my stephen king book yet. i'm half way through "rita hayworth and shawshank redemption" and have one more story to read in it and then i'll be reading james rollins' "the black order." that's in between process training, my stories, arranging my cousin's wedding and honeymoon, studying web designs, planning out of town trips with my friends, searching for new writing jobs and, more recently, learning korean language. i'm doing this for my goal of travelling to an asian country which also includes japan. i want to visit my highschool bestfriend there. i gave myself 3 years for that and i hope i achieve it. i'm not sure how much i'll need to save up for korea but for japan, i heard it's around 100k. that means working my fingers to the bone!

but then again, i have no complaints. i'm happy i have the chance to experience this. to dream and make those dreams come true. God has been good to me and i have nothing but gratitude for the Creator.
==
my king and my friends have been a great support system these past few days. i've been in a roller coaster of emotion, from moving into a new process to taking on more responsibilities at home. with all the stress, i've been diagnosed as an anemic with high blood pressure. look at that, even my body is a complicated!

"organize your life around your dreams and watch them come true"
i read that from a sticker and it's a great advice to my fellow dreamers.

bonding time

2009-05-09T21:55:00.001-07:00

it's my last day in metris. tomorrow morning i report to the process training room to begin my journey with RS. so many things have changed in the past years since i've been with hsbc. some exciting while others are worthy for a telenovela script (not a bad idea!).

but it's the people i will miss the most. like tessa (seen here hanging out at starbucks with me), joanne, allen, ron, angel, dea, montesa, alma and so many more whose been with me since day 1.

i thought of sending out a "farewell' email to everyone but decided against it. besides we'll still see each other on the floor and go out on our off days. maybe it's just the drama queen in me trying to steal the scene.

anyway to everyone whose lives i've crossed paths with in metris, thank you for the memories. looking forward to creating more with you!!

fresh air

2009-05-03T23:25:00.002-07:00

earlier in the year, i felt very excited about the air of change in my life. i really feel that whatever is going to happen this year will be for the better. so on staturday i had a taste of that change--i'm being moved to a different process. it's bittersweet for me because i won't get to spend much time with my old teammates. but it's a breath of fresh air because i'm going to learn new things and meet new people. just like what jose mari chan said, "Life's a constant change and nothing stays the same."

spent time with the pep squad at starbucks and met up with my cousin and sister after for our wedding research. need to do a lot but i'm excited. however, i should have expected the transportation and phone bill expenses before signing up for the job. oh well! at least it's something that i've learned. will join a bridal fair this saturday. hopefully my schedule works out.

the paquiao-hatton fight brought cheers and fears to our household last sunday. cheers because our bet won and fears because my dad was once again drunk. thank goodness for sleeping pills!

==
still have a lot to do but i'm happy with the direction God is leading me into, although i have no idea where it will end. i trust my Lord with all my heart so i'm facing things head on!!

wander girl

2009-04-29T22:46:00.001-07:00

cool, don't you think so?

the trip to laiya was amazing! and so the girls and i are saving up for another trip to palawan in december. it's going to be a major trip and major pain in the wallet but a worthy cause--to save our sanity.
==
i'm about to live out my dream of planning a wedding. it's for my cousin and i am enjoying the research stage. we'll be meeting this weekend for the details so i'm fully booked until august but it's wonderful and liberating to be able to do something creative. it's a welcome distraction to the monotony of work.
==
despite all the drama and challenges in my life, i can still truthfully say:

la dolce vita!

new favorites

2009-04-04T02:52:00.000-07:00

Author: James Rollins

I was browsing the shelves of Booksale looking for another writer able to blend suspense with historical mysteries much like Dan Brown and Lewis Perdue. Lucky for me, I found James Rollins' Map of Bones.

How did I like it? Well, I just bought another one of his 9 books, "The Black Order" and I'm salivating for "The Last Oracle." He definitely has me hooked.

Drink: Starbucks Cappucino with extra shot expresso

My already favorite drink with a kick to jumpstart my day.

Music: Jason Mraz

I bought his "The Best of Jason Mraz" cd and have been enjoying his music through my mp3 player. I have "Summer Breeze", "Sleep all day" and "Geek in Pink " on loop.

Cartoon: Phineas and Ferb

A series about two boys with overactive imagination and the gift of invention.

==

I can't wait for our trip to San Juan Batangas two weeks from now. White sand, blue sky and cool, clear ocean water...just thinking about it relaxes my tense muscles already. I'm in a debate though whether to bring my laptop to the beach or not but since my main purpose is relaxation, I guess it'll be a bad idea. I will just bring the digital camera for those pictures that I'll be posting.

I want to travel outside of the country too. Hopefully I can set aside some money for that especially since I'm deciding to go back to school next year. Wish me luck!

beach bums

2009-03-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

this is a homage to our previous AMO - Rizzie. we miss you, boss!

this is me and the pep squad enjoying one of those "spur of the moments" things in nasugbu, batangas. after the shift, we travelled to the beach with the intention of shedding all woes and worries in the cool waters of the ocean.

looking forward to our next beach trip in laiya, batangas this april. and i'm even planning to go to boracay or bohol on august although i have to check our schedule first.

i'm just enjoying life!

something to think about

2009-03-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

had dinner with my friends yesterday evening. it was great to see everyone. actually we all work at the office but due to conflicting schedules, we barely get to catch up with each other's lives. special thanks to tessa for hosting the dinner (love the barbeque!!). the stories were wonderful especially the laughs.

which brings me to that question: when is it too early to think about your imminent future? and by that i mean the end of this mortal coil. i really haven't thought about it but last night's hilarious discussion got me into thinking. should i start saving for my death? sounds morbid but life is life. it's the only thing that everyone knows for certain and to prepare for it does seem logical. and i never thought that there would be so much to consider! what to wear and the make up, no viewing or with viewing, cremation or burial, buying a coffin or using rental, arranging the wake, holding necrological services, what flowers to use, the picture to post on top of the coffin, music to accompany the wake, etc. it's making my head spin

for now i have a simple request. just make sure to include dexter's remains wherever i will be buried/creamated. i want to spend eternity with my dearest.

a treasure

2009-03-11T03:50:00.000-07:00

went through some junk in my dad's cabinet today and i found something interesting - a Rollei 35 S camera. it looks highly technical, shiny and compact so naturally it piqued my love for all gadgetry. not sure if it's a working model but i did some research about it.

" The Rollei 35 is a 35mm miniature viewfinder camera built by Rollei. The original Rollei 35, when presented to the public at the photokina in 1966, was the smallest 135 film camera ever. Even at the present day the cameras of the Rollei 35 series remain the smallest ever built mechanically working 35 mm camera. "-- from wikipedia.org

i'm quite interested to see how i can make use of it. from what my dad told me, it was pawned to him but the guy didn't buy it back. will have to find out more about it. i will keep you posted!

stress buster day out

2009-03-06T01:33:00.000-08:00

that's me and angel yesterday after work. the day started with breakfast at the bellevue hotel followed by another meal at congo grill, westgate. we went to powerbooks, festival mall to buy that laptop bag i promised myself and then we watched "confessions of a shopaholic". (fun movie, by the way. go watch it. NOW!) then we had lunch at kfc where this picture was taken. and to cap the day off, we watched "he's just not that into you." i wanted to stay to watch "push" and "watchmen" but angel wasn't into those kind of films and besides it was getting late. so i guess i'll just have to wait for our next day out.

a week ago, i went out with the pep squad (angel, dea and tesa) to eat at fukuyama restaurant. had a field day taking pictures of the sushis we ordered. also was able to satisfy my book craving with a purchase of 2 new books - necronomicon: the best weird tales of HP lovecraft and HotBlood X.

i really look forward to our rest days. makes me feel part of the "normal" routine of life. plus i get to spend time for the things i'm passionate about - reading books, writing stories, blogging, photo editing, web design and watching films. i've been thinking too much lately. mostly about what the future holds for me. i'm not the long term planner of the family. the farthest i've planned for myself is up to a year. but then again, i've never been put into a position to think about the future decades ahead. it's nice that i live this comfortable pace... never in a hurry and taking things one step at a time. i thank God everyday that i get to enjoy the fruits of my labor, learn new things and get to share it with the people that i love.

i spy with my eye

2009-02-24T01:47:00.000-08:00

didn't know i have another friendster stalker until the other day. am i that so intriguing? hahaha!

you...yes, you know who you are. stop playing games. i don't have time for you because I HAVE A LIFE. i suggest you get one too. it'll save you the trouble of carving your own niche in hell.

i've been through worse and yet i am still standing.
you are nothing to me. just another insignificant fly.
==
it's tough being the unofficial photographer of the gang. i do enjoy taking everyone's picture but i am often left out of the frames. i might take up some photography workshops to enhance my skills.

i'm looking forward to our summer gimmicks this year - baguio and boracay/puerto galera. tagaytay is the gang's first stop this march.

had a great vacation this feb. made a lot of new friends and kept the flames alive with old ones.

life's good!

welcome the year right

2009-02-15T02:03:00.000-08:00

me and grace

hi everyone! i have so many updates for you but i'm short on time so here's my newest set of quickies:

attended the company party at the CCP complex last november '08. Had a blast!

celebrated christmas with the latest additions (read: babies) to the RIVERA clan.

went to batangas beach late december '08 with my family for some fun in the sun. my folks seemed to have patched things up and were quite sweet. i particularly liked taking pics at the beach.

pre new year celebration with my folks and my sister's family at Island Cove, Bacoor Cavite. had lunch at the Fishing Village and biked around their Safari Park. i think AJ enjoyed the trip.

had a very grown-up new year feast. drank wine with parents. it was relatively peaceful and i loved every minute of it.

celebrated my birthday at the office. my officemates greeted me with cake and sang me "happy birthday". it was very heart warming to know that you are appreciated. received a lot of text messages too.

valentine's day was spent with my king. it was sweet.

which bring me up to date now as i type this entry at Starbucks Cafe, Ortigas while waiting for my college friend.

i'm very excited about this year. i feel change is in the air but in a good way. i want to continue my writing and my creative projects. i want to earn more so i can save up to fulfill my plans. i count every blessing i have received and i can honestly say that i am happy.

until next time!!

quickie

2008-11-24T12:07:00.002-08:00

just a bit of update (i'm writing this during lunch break!):

i absolutely love my laptop! started writing my journal entries there. e-diary with a password...the way secrets should be kept.
just opened a new saving account. yey! i have liquid assets.
have new friends at work. though they are younger than i am, i don't feel the gap. i'm still a kid at heart anyway.
beating my deadline this end of month for the novel i'm working on.
miss my sister and the baby since they moved back with their in laws 2 weeks ago. jan is also working agian at her old office at the animation company.
been watching "27 dresses" and "the holiday" over and over again. i see myself too much in the characters that's why i can't get enough of the films.
i'm getting pudgy around the middle. must be all the sweets i've been indulging in.
he asked for a second chance...and we're trying again. i hope this time i find my happily ever after. he has so much to prove.

that's it. got to get back to work. will upload pics soon! until then..be safe, people!

"love thy self"

2008-10-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

yes. that's my new motto. i've always thought of other people's needs first instead of my own. it's about time i look inside myself, ask what i want and go achieve it with all my heart. besides i've finally realized that no one else is going to give me what i want but me. i deserve to take my share of happiness out of this big pie called life.

and so i've written down my "want list" till the end of the year (barely two months to go!):

new writing/online projects (with pay or incentives)

finally finish the draft of my novel (set for publishing next year)

get my student permit (a step towards my driver's license next year)

go out of town, which means actually riding a boat or plane to reach that destination

meet new and interesting people and form friendships with them

find a new love or passion for something like sports or a creative hobby

do everything more! read more, write more, sing more, smile more, love more, live more...

i think those are very achievable goals. i'm so excited!

starting over

2008-10-12T23:00:00.001-07:00

what perfect way to move on by going back to the things i love the most.. that includes writing, graphic design, web design and overall techy nerdy stuff (hehe!). so i just bought my newest love--my ASUS Eee PC 1000!!

can't wait to create something wonderful once more!

so it's over...

2008-10-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

i don't want to analyze it anymore because it will not change anything. it will not bring him back. it will not take the pain away.

right now, i want to forget. i want to drown myself in beer. i want to dive into any distractions to rid me of this wretched pain.

can't stop crying but must pretend to the world that i am fine. can't eat. can't sleep. i wonder if i will ever love again.

" It takes some time. God knows how long. I know that I can forget you. As soon as my heart stops breaking. Anticipating. As soon as forever is through...I'll be over you."
--"I'll be over you" by Toto

emptiness is loneliness

2008-09-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

...he left me. my king left me.
and i am bleeding ever since.

i really thought he was the one for me
now i'm wallowing in sadness
i just want to forget him
to accept what is and let go...

God help me!

writer's club

2008-09-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

yup. we were finally able to meet after more than a year (minus inez)! i'm so happy to be with my girls again. so much has happened and yet it was as if we were never truly out of each other's lives. technology played a vital role in our relationship. it was formed online, enriched in real life and maintained online with the text messaging and phone calls too. distance is no longer an excuse especially with video calls being available through the internet.

but the essense of friendship is not in how often you communicate or how many times you've been together. it's in the love, care and sincerity that you share with them which binds you to each other through thick and thin. they say having one friend is a blessing...then i guess i'm one of the richest people because i have two right here and one in US!

ain't life grand!

progress report

2008-09-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

it's not going to be easy to jump back into my passion. it'll require twice the work. but i will be smiling while going through all of it. why? because it's what i love.

i have tons of reading to catch up with. i will go through last month's magazines of my dad's monthly subscription to Time. recently bought books on editing and other fiction works (darn NBS booksale!) plus the motivational book lent by my friend. i'm keeping to my schedule so i can finish my required reading by month's end. after that, i'll be focusing on my website design and novel outline. the most i've done lately is article writing for my team called PMA (positive mental attitude). it has no rewad but at least i still get to flex my writing muscles.

plan to take workshops to enhance my skills - photography classes, writing workshops, entering writing contests and maybe check out the curriculum for MBA. made a promise to my dad that i'll be taking it although i didn't say when.

i'm also taking a bigger role in my team. a perfect opportunity to practice my management skills.

wish me luck!

finally, a semblance of my self

2008-08-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

me with shaffy and van @starbucks

picking up the broken pieces of myself is hardwork. i really entered a funk and i'm so happy that i'm starting to find myself again...slowly but surely.

my folks' relationship is better now. the 2 week business trip my dad took did some good. he must have did some thinking there. i truly appreciate how he's handling things with mom now. as for me and my king, we're doing better also. i do hope this lasts.

i'm reconnecting with old friends and picking up where my passion left off after dexter passed away. that means writing something wonderful and strong. so it's going to be a very, very busy second half of the year.

watch out world...i'm coming back!

smiling through

2008-07-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

i suppose there's no shortage of heartaches in this world. the latest to succumb to the imp is my father. yes, yet another sad story which shall remain undetailed lest i jinx my parents' happy ending. i'm still praying that they get through this, that love will keep them together (like how my king and i are doing). i really believe that love is the only thing that will make it work.

that and lots of prayers...

trust is so common among romantics that it's no wonder we easily get our hearts broken. when we give, we give it all. even when people call us martyr or doormats, we still love them. we believe their lies despite our rational mind protesting in the back of our heads. we hope and pray that our love will be enough to change them, for them to return the love and devotion that we willingly gave.

some do see the light and are rewarded with true love...

not so for others...

i can only pray for my happy ending. same with my parents.

"remember my dear, i love you although..."

stories old and new

2008-07-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

(me and angel)

first, the sad news. our beloved friend mommy chona passed away last july 2 due to a stroke from highblood. gen and i attended her wake. she will surely be missed. no more mimi chona..

second, Metris is now BAU! went to the luau party last 07/12/08. it means process expansion and more available promotions. yehey!

third, patched up some misunderstanding with tessa. was so happy that i didn't lose a wonderful friend.

fourth, i now have the capability and means to buy that coveted new ACER ASPIRE laptop i saw at the robinson's mall in dasma. but i'm too scared to spend without the certainty of financial security. i guess that buying decision can wait.

fifth, been taking care of little AJ lately so my body is physically and mentally exhausted. lovelife is slowly dying. yes, we may not have that happy ending after all. i'm heartbroken again. this time it's serious. i leave it all up to the Lord. bahala na po kayo...

plans for the next half of the year? well, getting promoted to level D is my immediate goal so i have to make those sales. my driver's license is another thing. my laptop will be the ultimate prize come december. and of course, there's finishing my novels, websites and finally--being able to pay my debts in half. not to mention finding time for my friends, both old and new.

sheesh! got to get started then...

summer adventures

2008-06-09T21:50:00.000-07:00

Summer officially ended with a splash at Club Manila East during the company outing. Finally had some well deserved "R n R" especially during the evening festivities. What do I mean by that? Well, the girls and I dropped by a male strip club in Timog Quezon Avenue. Yes, the kind where men bump and grind to some music (in this case the repertoire were "Hands to Heaven", "It's all coming back to me now", etc.) while touching their bodies and other ehem! "sensitive parts". I wasn't prepared with what I saw during the first performance. Had to down a bottle of beer to get my nerves up.

Hay! At least I have had one other thing crossed off my list of things to do before I die.

Next challenge: skydiving or bunjee jumping!

or better yet...marriage! yikes!